Choosing to Love
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son…”
Perhaps the most quoted verse in the Bible. Have you stopped to think of the ramifications of just the first half of this well-worn verse?
If God loves me (and He does), it is because He chooses to love me. It is certainly not because I am so lovable. It is also not because He gets all warm and fuzzy inside when He thinks about me. Biblical love isn’t a feeling. Have you ever thought of God’s love in those terms? God made a choice, a decision to love you.
“So loved” means “in this way.” The defining attribute of God’s love is an action. Here’s the way God loved you – He gave His only begotten Son. Love is a choice, and love is action.
So a follow up question is, how am I loving others? If we listen to the world, love is something that just comes over us; we can’t control it. Elvis famously sang “I can’t help falling in love with you.” But if we listen to God’s Word, we recognize these two overriding principles. Love is a choice, and Love is action.
If we wait around for the right feelings before showing love, we might be waiting a long time (especially when it comes to loving some people [nudge, nudge, know what I mean?]). The deep reality is there is only one person we naturally love in this way: ourselves. I always feel like loving myself. Doing what makes me happy. [Confession Time] If I’m sitting comfortably on the couch, watching football (or volleyball, or basketball, or even baseball) and my wife says, “Do you want to go to the store with me?” The answer in my head is “Not really. I’m quite content where I am.” But doesn’t it show love that I choose to go with her despite how I feel?
Some may push back and claim that they feel love for lots of people. Is it possible that these feelings of love are because of how the other person makes me feel? Perhaps it is that encourager who’s always complimenting me or laughing at my jokes. Or maybe it’s the one who shares his snack with me at lunch. In some extreme cases it might be the sense of self-righteousness I get because I know I’m doing the right thing. This kind of love isn’t really about the other person. It ultimately comes back to how it makes mefeel. In this sense, am I not just loving myself?
So how do I get to the place where I feel genuine love for other people? There’s an age-old cliché that says, “Right feelings follow right actions.” This is true in so many areas of life, but especially in love (since love itself is an action verb). If I want to increase my love for others, I need to make the choice to do something for them.
Write them notes of encouragement.
Take time to visit and spend that time asking about them.
Bake some cookies or prepare an entire meal.
Pray for them.
Doing those first few things will make it a whole lot easier to do the last one. It’s always easier to pray for people if I have spent time with them. They transform from names on a prayer sheet or empty faces in a pew to family I genuinely care about. If you follow this pattern, you will begin to feel love for them.
Set a goal today to show love to someone that you haven’t before.